about me

Somewhere between the highest zenith and and the nethermost dephts is life.
I will tell you my Story, on a path somewhere around the middle.

 

I grew up in Frankenmarkt, which is a a small village in Austria (3.5k pop).
My parents always went against the norm and were therefore “outcasts”, they founded their own school, so their kids were able to make a different expierience then they had.
Due to many different circumstances, that school changed to a point, where my parents decided, that it was even worse than regular school.
So i was only in it for the first 3 years of primary school, the 4th year i got homeschooled for an easier transition and turning 10 i went to a regular school.
I think this was also a big shock, because i had to function in a way i never had to before, i started building up a fassade and hiding who i really was.
But i got trough it and got myself an apprenticeship as landscape gardener.
Since I didn´t want to go to school anymore an apprenticeship was the only other thing suggested to me and at this point i didn´t question my parents at all.
But i also hated my work, i was a dreamer and my coworkers were really rough and had little empathy for me.
During this time, due to having no friends i indulged myself into the virtual world, where i would watch animes, play videogames, or read fantasy book.
I mean it makes sense, since the real world wasn´t that pleasent to me. But at the age of 15/16 i started getting into self-help and mindset videos on youtube.
Only problem was i only comsumed those videos, rather than actually applying them to my life and making a change.
Around 22 i got into a group that was building a school around selfawareness, for kids and adults. This was probably also the harshest but also the most fruitful year of my life.
I got confronted with all my issues: not beeing able to be part of a group, not standing my ground, not beeing able to communicate, i was only in my head and detached from my body and my feelings.
But at this point, i wasn´t ready to change at the same pace my “colleagues” were advancing themselves, so i let myself be thrown out of the project.

In August 2017 i met my current girlfriend and life has been on an upwardspiral ever since. I think not beeing alone anymore gave me a reason or the extra push i needed to say: I really want to change my life.
That doesn´t mean it was all fun, actually i was just as depressed, i was crying and throwing up still.
But my attitude towards myself and life changed.
And i am just realising that now as im writing this: Caring about someone else makes it easier to push yourself, face fear head on and make a change. Since i can remember i wanted to be a rolemodel and inspire the people around me to do better.
So right now i am figuring myself out, trying everything i want and broadening my comfortzone, while still working my old job in the company of a good friend of mine.

 

So i encourage everyone who is reading this: Audit who you are, figure out your wants and needs, and most importantly, seek help if you think you can´t make it by yourself.

I´d love to hear from you!

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