Purpose and Isolation

I always struggled to find a straight path to stay on careerwise. So many things were interesting to me and i was afraid, that if i choose one, i will have to let go of all “my other options”. It probably was the fear of failure, either choosing the wrong path, or failing at the chosen path, well both are kinda the same.
The bad thing about this is: it kept me from actually moving. And you can think all day about your future, your passion, you can hope that someday someone knocks on your door and says: Here is what you´ve been looking for!

Well most likely that won´t happen. And to some this might seem obviously delusional and to some (including me) it was a reality for a long time. I felt this way in various forms an intensitys until recently and i am turning 24 in july.

I always felt alone growing up due to various circumstances, i wasn´t able to open myself up/let my “guard” down. I didn´t want to feel “bad feelings”, i grew up beeing protected from them and continiued to do so on my own.
So imagine the following: A boy sitting home a lone in his cave and doing everything by himself. As you can imagine this carries some difficulties.

-I wasn´t able to share what i am exited about (i was a bit bipolar)
-i had to do everything by myself
(if i was into baking bread, hosting animals, editing videos, constructing a garden, learning japanese, or whatever interest i was pursuing whatever it was, i wasn´t getting any satisfaction because:

-No one but myself was “profiting” off of my “work”. If you start doing things for others, you get this great feeling of “purpose”. So i just found my articles title just by writing down the thoughts in my head. Purpose is not this big uncertain thing everyone is looking for, it can be something really small, like talking to a friend just providing your time, thoughts and opinions. So by providing value for someone else is giving me the feeling of purpose. Its when you are doing it, and when you get the reaction. Its the realisation: Im of help for another human, he/she is doing something with what i had to offer. This is purpose, it can grow in to something big i think, but i forgot that everything starts small.

If you are able to make such connections and realise you can share, and everyone is good at something else, you automatically focus on what has the biggest ROI. I always wanted to do everything by myself, i always thought i had to know everything better then everyone else. I got so stuck, because so interesting everything seemed that i was doing, in the end i was only benefitting myself. And you can´t be alone and have purpose, its a contradiction.

So this all comes of a mindset of not beeing alone and realising, that there is NO deficiancy and there is plenty of everything in life.

I hope I won´t ever loose sight of this conciousness. But beeing realistic, i will be greedy and selfcentric in the future, but im also a hundred percent sure that those feelings will decline over the course of my journey.

Thanks to Jasmin Walter, my whole mindshift and resolutions came from the conversation i had with her today.
You should check her out, shes an amazing photographer and a cool human to enjoy time with!

You know whats the best trait of good photographers? They got a unique perspective! (source:brosience)

 

(Of course this is just one view at this topic and not even a hollistic one, but its my current perspective)


One thought on “Purpose and Isolation

  1. my first fast reading has finished. didnt understand all words, but the flow of your writing seems to be so good, that you will read to the end. you have e special drive in your thoughts and there is a feeling, that you are leaded by someone behind: is it you, something like a inner voice or anything else?
    Maybe more thoughts about that, when i have more time to read slowly and hopefully understand most of the story above…

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s